The most beautiful thing about me most days is the fruits of my recovery. My dismissiveness and my arrogance are parts of defence mechanism against rejection, they guard my inherent sense of shame. I am full of shame, more so than fear, although these two overlap. The years of recovery reveal many different things, some of them not so palatable. I had an argument with a guy once who suddenly proclaimed he was upset by what I had said. I was amazed as this guy was reading his emotions, identifying verbalising/expressing them to me in a way I have never been able to do. I would have had empathy for where the newcomer “was at in his recovery” as I had been there once too. I explained to him that his pride had been hurt, he was in shame and his “apparent” depression every since was simply prolonged self pity. In fact the Big Book gives me a good idea of the “sins” or “defects of character” I have when I have a resentment but does not explain why I have resentments in the first place.
No one is perfect at first when attempting to live a spiritual life, especially when we are coming back from a long spiritual hiatus. What is important though is that we strive to be a little better every single day and never give up on our spiritual journey in recovery. Our spiritual malady never just goes away and stays away on its own, it requires a constant spiritual connectivity and effort on our parts in our programs to keep it and the subsequent alcohol and drug abuse at bay. So long as we make an active effort to address our spiritual malady every day, we will find relief from it, one day at a time. As explained in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. When men and women look inwardly, the spiritual component of the disease becomes apparent. Sometimes others expel the same negative emotions on to us.
What is a “Spiritual Malady”?
In fact, studies have been done on twins to try to determine if there is a genetic predisposition for a substance use disorder, typically with mixed results. As there is no specific reason that someone grows to have a substance use disorder, there’s no defining factor or characteristic that might make someone’s obsession turn light or dark. The good news is that properly treated, those in recovery from the disorder are often able to, with continued growth, use this quality in order to be very successful. The same pursuits that many had, prior to their struggles becoming unmanageable, become easy to focus upon again, often leading to more success than they experienced before. This is greatly inspirational for those who have just come into the room when the mountain looks impossible to climb. Seeing the same traits that were harmful before, turn to assets and lead to a more incredible life is often the first thing that attracts newer members to recovery. I have sought refuge from my negative emotions in alcohol, drugs and other addictive behaviours. It is this that propelled my addictions, this inability to deal with my negative emotions.
What does Bedevilment mean?
Definitions of bedevilment. the act of harassing someone. synonyms: badgering, torment, worrying. type of: harassment, molestation. the act of tormenting by continued persistent attacks and criticism.
Racticing prayer and meditation helps us be mindful of our surroundings and gain consciousness of our spirituality by bringing us closer to our higher power. Strengthening this relationship with a spiritual being brought us hope that we can recover from the mental and physical suffering of alcoholism. As we work towards this state of selflessness we find that we are slowly being relieved of the hopeless alcoholic state we once thought we were doomed to be in forever. It is constant maintenance of being spiritually connected with a god of your understanding.
What does a white chip represent in AA?
They will be more open to what life and the universe is telling them, and they will not longer have that knot in their chest telling them they are alone. We use to blot out the feeling of loneliness we experience and we use to numb ourselves from the existential pain we experience simply by existing. This aversion to all things spiritual is often times the main stumbling block that many people new to recovery face. They have to find a way to come to terms with the idea that there is something greater out there than themselves and that in order to overcome their addiction, they have to at least attempt to connect with it. You are merely instructed to be open to the idea that you are not the end all be all, that there exists out in the universe something that is greater or more powerful than yourself. However, you choose to interact with that higher power is also up to you.
But the beauty of the 12-steps is that they are spiritually based as opposed to religious. What that means is that all that is required is the belief in a power greater than yourself. There is no church you must attend or strict practices you must adhere to in organized worship of said higher power, it is a completely individual and personal experience. In describing the insanity of alcoholic, Dr. Silkworth makes the statement that they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. They continue to buy off on symptomatic relief that alcohol provides for their restlessness, irritability and discontentedness. This lack of peace is symptomatic of a deeper spiritual problem, known as Sober Home the “spiritual malady” in Alcoholics Anonymous, which we understand as sin from a biblical perspective. The alcoholic is seeking a solution to a spiritual problem with a created thing…a bottle. Addiction is often referred to as a disease of perception as addicts have a tendency to creating extraneous narrative around the experiences of their lives. Since this additional narrative often consist of perspectives that causes the addict to feel separate, this is where the spiritual malady lives. It is through the daily cleansing of perception through the process of the steps and the sharing with another addict that the addict is able to return to living as an integrated part of the whole of life.
What does the Big Book say about spirituality?
If you are an alcoholic, then you know you cannot just put the plug in the jug and quit. If it were as easy as not eating a peanut anymore, then you would have stopped long ago. This blog is about my journey towards a life grounded in balance, gratitude, creativity, and love. …….I am working the 12 step again with the Guidance of BBA.com Group.
For many folks, including myself, ‘the spiritual’ aspects of recovery can be a challenge. We tend to show up with a truckload of old ideas in this area and a lot of us consider ourselves to be atheists. Many people who enter into recovery do not want to hear anything of spirituality. When they hear words like God or spirituality, they begin to bristle with antagonism as they remember the religion of their youth or the traumas they have faced. The practice of Christian Meditation offers a remedy to the spiritual malady. When we enter the silence with discipline and perseverance, we make space for the living presence of God to heal us from the inside out. Christians, out of a need to confront those who view addiction through the lens of the medical model, will often too quickly polarize in defense of the biblical position that addiction is rooted in sin. I think the debate is unnecessary and may cost us opportunities to listen closely and seek points of agreement, which may help in communicating a biblical interpretation of their observations. As an alcoholic know-it-all, I am doomed without a Spiritual Solution to the malady. A Power greater than myself, and only that Power, will help.
We also engage daily with the 12-Step lifestyle — unity, service, and recovery. We practice unity in meetings, in our 12-Step work, and with our vibrant recovery community. This blends perfectly with service, where we strive to help each other and come together as a community of recovered men to help the larger Colorado community. Yes, we work the 12-Steps, but we also engage in group and individual therapy, physical activity, and other healthy practices. Recovery is found by working the 12-Steps, but it’s about what is a spiritual malady recovering, healing, and getting well in every aspect of our life. These are the lifelong habits that are started and taught at Jaywalker Lodge as a comprehensive initiation into a life of recovery. Other methods may work for certain people, and they have every right to explore the help available to them. We tried many other methods, and we still found ourselves in desperate need of real help. The 12-Steps is what finally worked for us, though we had to be willing to follow the program as it is outlined.
In fact I think this pattern of interlinked negative emotions occurs simply because of inability to identify, label and share the simple fact that I have been upset by what someone has said or acted towards me. I was drawing up a web of my emotional dysregulation, a route map of all the wrong ways to go, to emotional cul de sacs. My step 4 and then 5 showed me that I did not have the natural ability to deal with my negative emotions. In other words, I had not processed these episodes emotionally and embedded these events in my long term memory like healthy more emotionally mature people do. He said to list all the negative emotions that I had been in the grip of and exhibiting in relation to my various misdemeanors and the resentments I had held against various people and institutions over the preceding decades. The mature way to to access, identfiy and label how one is feeling and use this information to reasonably express how one is feeling. They are suppose the tell the fronts of our brains to find words for our feelings.